Sometimes, We Survive By Forgetting
by Cant.Resist
Summary: "You can erase someone from your mind. Getting them out of your heart is another story," Deidra whispered to her newest friend. A stray black dog she found, that had hurt himself outside of her home. What Deidra didn't know that the stray dog, was her brother-in-law, Sirius Black, who was very surprised to find his brother's wife very much alive after all these years.
1. It Can't Be Her

_(Current timeline: January 1996)_

"Pity, pity. I thought you would have weathered better after all this time Lady Black." The Dark Lord, tutted, as he kicked her crumpled body over onto her back again. She moaned, trying to open both eyes. Her right eye must have swelled shut, making it difficult for her to make out the dark lord's menacing form. "You thought you could hide from me, from my Deatheaters?"

"No," she croaked. "I've never wanted to hide from you." She wheezed as the Dark Lord stomped on her wand holding hand.

"I didn't catch all that Janelle. What didn't you do?"

"I was forced. I, uh," she wheezed again, was her lung collapsing, "Regulus did this to me. Please believe me."

"Regulus Black, betray me? Unlikely." Voldemort swooped down, scaring Janelle with the sudden closeness. His face was more snakelike that she had remembered all those years ago. "But you," he jabbed with his wand, "you, the impressible Janelle Fawley, you on the other hand, were always the wildcard in the deck."

"But sir-" He grabbed her jaw with a sudden fierceness, forcing her silent.

"No matter, the truth has a way of coming out, one way or another."

* * *

( _Past: Summer 1995)_

Again she dabbled between the vials on the hidden shelf. Her only companions over the last decade, were the memories of a life she had forgotten. Deidra pushed back the vials, looking for the memory labelled _For When you're Lonely_.

 _"Regulus I know it will hurt for a while," the blonde pulled the raven haired, lanky boy flush against her, "remember I'm always here for you." He nuzzled further into her embrace, he needed the comfort, he needed the guidance. He wanted to be strong, but for once he could not do it. She played with his hair which usually slicked back had become unruly from the tussle with... Sirius. He tried to steady his haggard breathing with her lulling humming. Finally, his anger subsided and a new emotion risen, gratitude and a sense of intimacy? She had quietly and without question, had tended to him in his darkest hour. Without her familiar quips or haughty laughter, she refreshed him with a kind embrace during his moment of weakness. He took in a long breath, smelling vanilla verbena. Yes, yes this was comforting, this was right. He could feel her stroking halt as his stormy eyes met hers. Her eyes smiled, and as genuine as her flashy grin. "As long as you ever need." He offered a small grin in return. Surprisingly, swiping a stray lock from her eyesight. He wanted to look at her entire, welcoming face._

 _"Your appreciation will never be forgotten." He whispered, flicking his wand at the door._

 _"Regulus!" She squealed as her hauled her into air with his grip around her derriere. He sat her onto a desktop, her legs spread apart with him strategically situated between them. "What, what are you..." She paused, listening to the plop of her cloak as he shoved it off her shoulders. "Ah.." She screeched as her fingers dug into his shoulders. The creeping of his fingers under her blouse tickled._

 _"Just relax Janelle, let me return the favor." She shivered, of all the teenage fantasies a girl could have, this was the hottest to come true. She licked her lips in anticipation, feeling his fingers ghost over her breasts. Regulus took her flushed appearance, and lack of disapproval was encouragement to continue his advancements. He brought his eager mouth to hers, it was sweet and warm. His heart began to shudder as she reciprocated his intensity. Maybe she wanted this as well? No time for trivial thoughts, she was allowing it for now. She moaned as he rolled her nipple back and forth between his digits. Perky and eager as he had hoped. In the few minutes of passionate snogging, a fury of hands had relieve her of her constricting jumper and lined undershirt, leaving the top half of her bare. Her chest was full and heaving as he had always imagined. While Regulus had his tie unfastened and his button up shirt wide open. She couldn't help but admire his lean physique, Quidditch kept him in jealousy inducing greatness. He couldn't take it any longer, his hand finally wandered up her skirt, brushing against the laced line entrance, he smirked feeling the wetness beneath had surpassed the thin fabric. "You want this to happen don't you?" He smacked his lips, as he applied some needed pressure. Her body quivered beneath his._

 _"Yes, Reg..ah, Regulus. Please." She wheezed out in breathy moans. "Please, please." His fingers pushed the fabric over, slowly sliding his fingers down her slit. She shivered, her body literally lurched forward in desire. He wrapped his free hand around her while pulling her lust filled face close to his. He pressed a finger into her while the pad of his thumb rubbed rigid circles. Oh, did he relish her reaction, a bit too much. He was a bit selfish, and pressed another digit in while his thumb spread her lips farther open, teasing her clit as he slammed and curled his fingers inside her._

 _"Please, I..." She really moaned, loud and proud this time. He was delighted to see how wet she was after she came. They were both panting as he pulled away from her. He licked his moistened fingers as she looked away embarrassed._

 _"Just as sweet as the rest of you."_

 _"Oh shut up." She muttered, as she slid her undershirt back over her head. She quickly squealed, and pushed his chest. "Ew don't kiss me now. That's disgusting." He laughed._

 _"It wouldn't be any different if you kissed me after pleasing me." She pulled her jumper over now, it was a sad sight for him._

 _"Still gross." She fastened her cloak on looking expectantly at him._

 _"What?" He asked as he fixed his tie. She pointed between the two of them._

 _"What would you call this, Black?" He smirked approaching her until she backed in a desk again._

 _"Well Fawley, since we're defining terms." He pulled her close again, he could feel her heart hammering against her chest. "This is my claim on you. Just as it should have been in the beginning. It's time to tell my cousin to bugger off."_

And every night, she relived these forgotten memories. A life she lived prior to her accident, which from what was left in this house, wasn't as accidentally as it seemed. She longed for a chance to meet this boy she dreamt of, this Regulus.

* * *

His senses were keen, he knew that in this animagus form they were almost as strong as a wolf, but he had to be imagining this? He could see her long brunette hair tumbling down her shoulders, bouncing back and forth as she walked with her arms full. She reminded him of _her_ , when he was in his youth. Before she colored her hair like the sun, where her hazel eyes were complimented with the chestnut waves. Even her scent was familiar, a calming smell, like the vanilla verbena soaps she used daily. She religiously wore the same scent over and over again, like she never could bare the thought of smelling different. But he had to be wrong, him, with the entire wizarding world thought _her_ and _him_ to be dead. And here she was gardening like a muggle, with no cares in the world. He had been watching her for a while now, trying to make sense of his observations and his reoccurring thoughts. First and foremost, she was a witch. She had been putting on a good show, maybe so the surrounding muggles never caught on, but she would cast spells all the time. To make things bloom bright, or make her basket loads lighter. She always had her wand in the sleeves of her clothing, which made him very wary. When she was gardening she would converse and lament to herself, if anyone else would have hear her, they would think she had gone mad. But Sirius understood, even sympathize with her. Twelve years in Azkaban had left him with little communication with others, talking to one's self was a way he spent many days trying to occupy himself. To hold onto some form of normalcy as the others around him went mad from torture. She looked up in his direction, Sirius panicked, had he been panting? He slowly tried to back away from line of sight, only to get his leg caught. He howled in pain, why had he done that?

She saw the creature, her direct stare must have startled it. She was going to continue her gardening until she heard a cry. She approached the beast, slowly, the black dog was growling, showing his teeth at her. She assessed the situation. The poor thing had gotten its leg caught, it was bent at a weird angle.

* * *

"Albus you have to believe me. It was her!" Sirius was pacing around the room, while Dumbledore stayed transfixed near the fire place.

"Hasn't Alastor warned you about daily excursions?" Sirius rubbed his temple, trying to ignore the subject change. "Yes, Albus but this was her. This was Janelle Fawley." He paused, "I couldn't be surer in my life."

"Ms. Fawley disappeared right before your brother Regulus. It was assumed that they disappeared together. Even her father, Hector, never heard from his daughter again. If this truly was Janelle, I would believe she would have made some attempt to see her father when his health began to decline."

"That's it though, isn't it?" Ranting his inner thoughts out loud. He began his maddening pace around the room again.

"I don't follow you." Albus admitted.

"She would have, if she had remembered to do so." Albus smiled at the idea.

"You believe someone erased her memory."

"Not someone, my brother did."

"How could you be sure? I was under the impression that they were happily married." Sirius stopped, then quickly turned and kicked a chair.

"I don't know. Maybe they were, maybe they weren't. All I know is my brother's wife is alive with no seeming recollection of who she was. Or where he is. She's been living alone all these years."

"And did you come by this information?" Sirius cursed, he hadn't meant to let that slip.

"Well she has a soft spot for strays. I've been there plenty of times this last couple weeks. I've needed to know everything about her."

"Why is this?" Albus asked humbly, not trying to provoke him any further.

"To know if she was real, or if she was all in my head. Sometimes in Azkaban, I would dream of my family, and, and," Sirius choked up, "I just wanted to believe that this time it wasn't a hallucination."

"What is it that you would like me to do?"

"Excuse me?" Sirius was slightly taken back by Dumbledore's brash comment. He offered him a smile in return.

"You wouldn't be relaying all your suspicions to me without wanting me to pursue it. Am I wrong to assume?" Sirius shook his head, he still sometimes forgot how his old professor was always so perceptive.

"Is there any way you could pay her a visit. See if I missed something. I want to know why no one has found her before."

* * *

"How may I help you?" The brunette stood behind the door, gazing at the strange man. His blue eyes twinkling, and his long white beard slightly raising as he smiled at her. She seemed to calm at his demeanor, no matter how strange his dressing robes were.

"Good morning, Miss. My name is Albus Dumbledore, I was wondering if you had a moment to talk?" He saw the brief recognition pass her hazel eyes.

"I'm, um, sure. Come on in. Would you like some tea, sir?"

"Ah yes if you don't mind." She gestured for the man to take a seat at the table, while she busied herself preparing the water. She sat out the china, while he sat. She pulled another chair to the table as the water boiled.

"So, um, Mr. Dumbledore how may I help you sir?"

"Well first I would like to know if you remember me?" Her brow furrowed in confusion, he hadn't tripped anything in her recollection. After about a minute she gave up. Maybe he had confused her pleasant stare for a knowing one.

"I'm sorry sir. I was in an accident a decade or so back. I'm not so good with names or memories."

"Not even your own?" He asked quietly. She shook her head.

"No. The identification I had on me at the hospital said my name was Deidra Noir. But it's never felt truly right. It sounds more like something I would name a daughter than myself." She coughed, she hadn't meant to say that out loud.

"If I understand correctly, Noir means Black?" Again Albus could swear he could see the clogs turning her head. She blushed, embarrassed.

"I thought it sounded more like a perfume more than anything. I guess I never thought to look it up."

"If you don't mind me asking Deidra, how did you sustain your trauma?"

"They said a car accident, but they said they found me lying outside a hospital. No car in sight. Probable hit and run. But I sustain head injuries and nearly had the skin and muscle tore off my arm. They almost had to use skin grafts." The kettle began to whistle she quickly stood up, trying anything to hide her flushed skin again. Albus had waved for her to sit.

"Let me get it."

"No, no you are my guest."

"No, no trouble at all." He waved his wand, bringing the drink-ware, and boiling kettle over to the table through the air. She sat there with her mouth agape. He offered to pour hers as well, but she shook her head.

"You're a wizard as well." So she knew about magic, despite the 'memory' loss. Albus had expected as much.

"So you know that you're a witch Deidra?"

"Yes." She shyly admitted. She was baffled by meeting another wizard. All these years she had been surrounded by non-magical folks.

"Do you remember going to Hogwarts?" Her eyes widened, she had studied at the best wizarding school in area.

"I went there?" She happily exclaimed. "What house was I in?"

"Slytherin." He said less enthused. She was put off by his dejected tone.

"Oh. Was I a bad student?"

"No, no. You were an exemplary student while attending there." She smiled. "You had an aptitude for charms and transfiguration."

"I had a feeling." Trying to hide a wry smile, she had more than just a feeling about that subject.

"But the crowd you fell in, well that's a different story altogether."

"Am I wanted? Did I break the law?" She began to panic. He could see her worries surface.

"That answer is a little more complex. Are you wanted by the Ministry, short answer no. Are you wanted by others? That is a more likely possibility." She took a long sip of her tea, not sure of how to react.

"Am I in danger?"

"At the present moment, no. But..."

"But what?"

"If we were able to find you, the others might be able to find you."

"Who is we?"

"The Order."

"Of the Phoenix?" He smiled.

"And you came by this information, how?"

"I have my sources."

"Very well." They discussed a few disjointed items that she had wondered about the wizarding world. Finally she asked the question that had been vexing her since he first began to explain himself.

"Sir?"

"What was my name?"

"Formerly Janelle Fawley." Albus saw that this name was not foreign to her. But he wasn't able to tell how or why that was. She gave a sigh of relief before quickly thinking, "Formerly?"

"You had recently gotten married before you disappeared."

"And... _And_ my husband?"

"Regulus Black." She let out a breath of surprise. The young man preserved in the vials near her bed. The man who in memories had kept her company, kept her safe from the unknown threats all these years. "Presumed missing or dead along with you, but I have the suspicion of the latter." She looked crestfallen, he patted her hand. "I'm sorry my dear."

"Do, do I have any other family?"

"Your father died not too long after you had gone missing. Dragon pox is harder on older wizards."

"Oh, um, what was his name?"

"Hector Fawley."

"An ex Minister of Magic. He, he resigned after Gridenwald was defeated." She stared at him in disbelief. "After, after _you_ defeated Gridenwald. Mr. Fawley _, my father_ , hadn't taken the threat seriously, or at least that is was the history books say."

"Yes. He did resigned after that. He also was busy finding a suitable wife. He end up marrying a few different times then having children, you and your brother later in life."

"Brother?"

"Yes, yes older brother Sean."

"Sean Fawley." His name made her lips tingle. She wasn't alone. "How much older?"

"About 5 years. He had a child, Sullivan, he is enrolled at Hogwarts currently."

"What house?"

"Hufflepuff."

"Pureblood or half-blood?" His eyes darken and she covered her mouth. It was almost like a reflex that she couldn't help. "That was rude, never mind."

"I'm really not sure. Blood purity is not Hogwarts agenda or criteria for new students." He scolded her, she didn't really know why that question had come out. She couldn't really remember meeting another magical being before this point. She was basically as capable as a _muggleborn_. God, why did that thought churn her stomach? "It may be wise to have you return to the wizarding world."

"To see my brother?" He patted her hand.

"All in due time."

* * *

Later while reviewing her letters, she found the names that perpetually running through her mind the last few hours. She had knew that she had seen some of these names before, and suddenly these entries in elegant script held much more meaning than previously.

 _1980:_

 ** _Albus Dumbledore_** _–_

 _Titles: Headmaster at Hogwarts, Supreme Mugwump, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot_

 _Allegiance: Hogwarts, International Confederation of Wizards, Ministry of Magic and Order of the Phoenix_

 _Opinion: Trustworthy_

 ** _The Fawley Family_** _–_

 _Titles: Purebloods, ex affiliation of Ministry of Magic due to resignation of Hector Fawley_

 _Allegiance: Mixed. Haughty purebloods, but stood indifferent to the rise of The Dark lord, except for Janelle Fawley._

 _Opinion: Questionable_

 ** _The Black Family_** _-_

 _Titles: Purebloods, Noble House of Black, Dark wizards_

 _Allegiance: Mixed. A majority are Deatheaters and pureblood extremists, except Sirius Black. The only one not afraid to stand up for what was right._

 _Opinion: Hopefully redeemable_

No question that, she gulped, Regulus had composed these various lists. But now, this one really did make an impact. The wrong crowd, the very one her and her apparent husband had fell in: **Deatheaters.**

* * *

 _(Current timeline: January 1996)_

She shivered as the Dark Lord released her from her mind. He stood up and smiled down at her beaten body.

"You might be of some value yet." He gestured for Narcissa and Bellatrix to come closer. "Feed her and make sure she stays breathing. We will continue this get together at another time." He disappeared with a crack and Bellatrix let out of eerie laugh. Janelle twitched slightly hearing the familiar laugh. Her laughter had always led to something horrible.

"Cissy, let's get cleaned up and eat something. I'm absolutely ravished after today's events." Bellatrix cackled again before trouncing up the stone steps. Narcissa waited for her sister's silhouette to disappear before she waved her wand.

"Episkey." Narcissa whispered. Janelle moaned as her bones cracked, resetting themselves. What Janelle would kill for a glass of water, her lips were beyond chapped. But she was wheezed again, trying to chuckle. Who was she kidding? She was bound to die here. Narcissa kneed down next to Janelle's still bruised body, her brow furrowed. The poor girl was going to be tortured again and again until the Dark Lord was satisfied. A fate worse than death. If Narcissa had the courage she would put her cousin's poor wife out of her misery, but she did not. She had a family to think of, while Janelle did not. "I hadn't meant for our reunion to end with your demise. I am sorry Janelle."

"Cissy, leave the traitor be. We can feed her later." Bellatrix called from the floor above.

"Coming Bella." And like that Narcissa Malfoy was gone. Janelle was alone once again.

* * *

 ****I came back and added some dates to the first few chapters to alleviate some confusion about certain scenes. Everything after date should be of the same timeline, so if I put current, it is a present time until I indicate the past and so forth. Sorry if this explanation sucks.**


	2. Why She's So Special

**Well, okay I want to THANK YOU! I've never had so many follows and favorites on a single chapter before! And a review! It made me extremely giddy to say the least. I really hadn't thought this would go much of anywhere, it was just an idea that I couldn't get out of my head. Now that there is interest for it I have been thinking over an appropriate arc for this. And hopefully I won't disappoint. Sorry this took a while to put out, I'm having a hard time writing this, since I want to make it just right for you guys. :) Let me know what you think, or any suggestions you would like.**

* * *

 _(Past: July 1995)_

Sirius watched as Janelle smoothed her hands through her wild locks. He could smell the mixture of vanilla and coconut she worked through the ends of her wet hair. It definitely smelt like his teenage years. When she would stay with his family for a week during the summer. She would literally drench the upstairs hallway with the scent. He and Reg used to rag on her for over compensating for her B.O. problem, but in reality it helped overcome the stale smell emanating from the two boy's rooms. They weren't house elves, they weren't taught to pick up after themselves. Though Kreacher did very little pick up after them as well. Sirius turn his head, hearing something crash.

"Oh, damn it." Deidra hadn't been paying attention, her careless elbow threw her glass powder bowl to the floor. "No, no back boy. You'll cut your paw." She pushed him back, so he watched her pick up the large shards and banish away the rest. Looking please she shoved the pieces together, and whipped her wand in an intricate way. A replica of the powder bowl laid in its wake. She winked at Sirius, when she caught the dog staring in wonder, "our little secret okay?" His eyes wandered over her forearm and he let out a whine. Janelle had rather large, nasty scars over where her dark mark should have been. It looked like someone had scraped it right off, the lower level of muscle included. She pulled down her housecoat sleeve suddenly self-conscious. "That's-," she paused, fiddling with the sleeve, "ah, something. I don't want to talk about it, okay?" Sirius whined again and nuzzled against her bare leg. She patted the top of his head, a small smile upon her lips. "Silly me, apologizing to a dog." She chuckled, "but you are, my only company. Maybe I'll tell you one day, when I'm ready." Sirius looked up as she scratched behind his ear. "And if you stick around."

* * *

Sirius had waited until he had been sure that she had went to bed before searching the confines of her cottage, with her wand no less. He wanted, no, NEEDED to know what happen to his little brother. He walked slowly towards the fireplace, tapping her wand on the side of the fiery basin. He observed her for days, before he was certain of the pattern used to unlock her hidden room of secrets. It mimicked the pattern used to get in Diagon Alley from the Leaky Cauldron. Once the door lurched open, he was hit with more questions and less answers. Little brother had lined the room from floor to ceiling full of magical material.

Sirius hesitated upon hearing a groan, he quickly turned back to his animagus form. He quietly padded back together the bedroom, the groans were growing louder and more wanton. He flourished his teeth ready to attack, but his jaw slacked once revealed what was actually happening.

He began to pant, as perverted as it was, the sight before him was hot. Janelle's tussled hair was spread across the bed spread in a haphazard mess. But that wasn't had caught his eye. She had one hand dip in her knickers, feverishly rubbing back and forth. The other was curled under her brasserie, massaging her chest. Her fingers were glistening with her juices, she was so close he could smell her anticipation and excitement. Her skin was flushed around the middle of her legs. A heat was building over. Her eyes were clenched shut, as her breathing intensified, he could tell she was on the brink of orgasm.

He turned to leave the room. More than twelve years without a woman had made him as horny as a teenage boy all over. For now, he was going to forget her being his brother's wife. But instead, her as a beautiful woman pleasing herself in presence of him, _a man_ , a man rousing with a desire only a woman could have enticed.

* * *

"There you are." Deidra patted the bed, trying to get the dog to come closer. The black dog came towards her wearily, she gave him a small smile. He was beginning to trust her a little more each day. A few weeks ago when she had brought him in to tend to his leg and then he had disappeared a few days later. But at least once a week he would spend the day with her and now the night. She had made her first friend, her first companion. As silly as it sounded. "I'll tell you a secret. Tomorrow, tomorrow will be a new day." She paused, smiling down at the pooch that had decided to claim the other half of her bed. _Tonight_ , at least she wouldn't be alone. "Tomorrow will be the first day of the rest of my life. Dumbledore had assured it."

* * *

 _(Current timeline: February 14th 1996)_

Narcissa was told to take Janelle out of the basement and "clean her up". To what extent, her husband hadn't made it very clear. His tone of voice was tight, as trying to front the uncertainty he had about the whole situation. She patted his shoulder quietly as she left, while he was fiddling nervously with his Deatheater mask; Narcissa had her job to do, and so did he. Wasting time dwelling on hidden meanings would do neither of them any good. She quietly step down into the damp basement, trying to detect whether odor she encountered was of death or of something else entirely. _Please be dead_ , her mind begged. She hoped for the former, but unfortunately she could make out the outline of the crumpled up body heaving in the corner. Narcissa sighed, the poor woman.

"Janelle?" She softly asked, as she lightly tapped her turnt back. Narcissa could tell the solitude and confine was quickly widdling away her previous resolve. "Come on we need to get you up." She lifted her up by her arms, trying to force her to stand. Narcissa was going to treat the poor girl to a bath.

"Cissy? Where, where are we going?" Janelle whispered. Narcissa bit her lip, nearly tearing up at the sentimental nickname. Janelle had said it with a delicacy that Narcissa knew she hardly deserved it. It was her fault after all, that Janelle was a prisoner here. Janelle stared up into Narcissa's eyes, they held her gaze as she helped her up the stone steps. _Narcissa would take care of her, those grey eyes told her so._

* * *

 _(Past: July 1995)_

Her breath caught in her throat, the sight of the dilapidated house had been frightening and exciting at the same time. There was several memories she had watched of being here. To now know what lied ahead, she couldn't help but shake with excitement. The dark home brought feelings of comfort. Albus had nodded for her to take a step in. She did as asked, with almost childlike wonder.

"HOW DARE YOU BRING BLOOD TRAITORS AND MUDBLOODS ALIKE? CURSE THE AIR THEY BREATHE, THE FLOOR THEY WALK ON, THE... Janelle?" She uncovered her ears and looked at the portrait. The fair haired woman stopped in the middle of her tirade and glared at the visitor in her family's home.

"Yes?" She answered the portrait unsure. Janelle was her true name, but...

"My only daughter! Kill the traitor within these walls! Restore the Black name, cleanse this house of MUDBLOOD LOVERS!" Deidra was trying to formulate a response for the portrait that knew her apparently.

"Ah, I-." A spell flew by, taking Deidra by surprise.

"Finally, Albus. I don't know why you insist listening to my mother's rants. Couldn't stand her then and I can't-" He seemed shock to see her. "I didn't say to bring her here!" Deidra suddenly stiffened. Albus put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

"Deidra, this is Sirius Black, your brother in law." Her eyes widened at the name. She had done her research, according to her documents Sirius had been best thing to happen for redeeming the Blacks. But those parchments had been created before 1981, before he became the notorious serial murderer. She couldn't believe Dumbledore would be in cahoots with such a character, despite their connection. She turned to Albus nervously.

"I don't think I'm comfortable here. I want to leave."

"Oh the Deatheater seems to be uncomfortable by my presence. How laughable is that!" She finally stared straight at him, slightly insulted. Sirius kept shouting but she heard no words. His beautiful grey eyes, reminded her of a storm. The calm after a horrific event. They matched the eyes in the picture. The grey eyes that had stared lovingly into her younger ones. The shaggy dark hair, she could best describe as a Raven mane. "What, what the bloody hell are you doing?" She took a step back, horrified at what she had done. In her dream like state she had walked up to a deranged murderer and, caressed his face!

"I'm so sorry, I don't know, I-" She hurried back over to Dumbledore. "I don't think this was a good idea. I think I should leave." She pleaded. Albus gave her an amused smile.

"How about we talk over lunch?" Albus suggested, Sirius rolled his eyes. Albus must have had some point for bringing her here specifically.

"KREACHER!" Sirius yelled. With a loud pop, the house elf appeared. Deidra hid behind Albus. "Kreacher prepare dinner for three." The house elf muttered something and disappeared with a crack.

"Was, was that a house elf?" Sirius stared in disbelief. "He was a miserable little thing wasn't he?" Sirius gave her a lopsided grin.

"Always been that way. He might be in a better mood when he sees you." Deidra scoffed.

"I will believe it when I see it."

* * *

 _(Current timeline: February 14th 1996)_

 _"Janelle," Regulus whispered in her ear as he peppered her jaw and neck with biting kisses._

 _"Yes, Reg?" She breathed out in a husky tone, she was already feeling the burn of unrelenting lust. He had been mercilessly teasing her for several minutes now, she just wanted, no needed release. He grabbed a fistful of her golden blonde hair, preventing her mouth from touching him further. He needed her full attention, he wanted to try something a bit risqué._

 _"Roll your skirt up, and come here." Janelle's cheeks flushed for a moment. She avoided looking directly at Regulus as she complied with his wishes. He licked his lips in anticipation. She was mesmerizing. He had seen her naked flesh several times now, and his reaction was still the same, as was her infernal blushing. He would teach her, that her body, her subtle and delicate body should be prized. He took her hand, leading her towards his bed. Trying to retain a cool façade, he laid on the bed and beckoned her forward. She crossed her legs and shied from his request. "Trust me, you'll enjoy it."_

 _"Sit on your face? Doesn't that seem…I don't know….weird to you?" His cool grey eyes stared at her, trying to be as reassuring as he could be. He gently nudged her closer, getting her to kneel on the bed. A step closer. Janelle was excited, but scared. This seemed to be very different from all the things the other girls had talked about._

 _"Just put both of your legs on either side of my head and I promise you, you will enjoy it." Janelle gave him a sheepish smile. She could trust Regulus, and she shouldn't be a prude towards her boyfriend. This was something that couples did, right?_

 _All Janelle could see was Regulus's eyes staring affectionately back up at her. Just his tender glare and calculated licking nearly had her doubling over, she clutched the headboard. Janelle had been dubious before, but now every guided sway of her hips over his eager mouth brought her unforgettable pleasure. She should never doubt him again, Regulus was too good to her, much, much...she moaned. He smiled as he brought her closer towards her climax. Her noises, her taste were all too delicious. His own arousal nearly throbbed at the prospect of winning her over this way._

 _"Oh Regulus, don't stop, I-" she moaned louder this time._

 _"Oh Merlin, like animals you two are." Barty was shaking his head in annoyed amusement. He dropped the heavy nap sack he had been hauling around. Janelle had tried to move but Regulus had a tight hold on her thighs, she attempted to cover herself, while her cheeks a blaze._

 _"Unless you're offering to join, get out Bartemius." Janelle stared down at Regulus in shock, what kind of girl had he thought she was? He smirked at her, raising a brow. She would take the challenge, that wicked boy beneath her knew how to push her buttons._

 _"Yes, Barty unless you want to tend to Reg, get out." Janelle added with a smirk of her own, Barty scoffed at her offer. He shook his head, walking towards the exit._

 _"Like dogs you are! Next time charm the door." He shouted before slamming the door shut._

"It's seems Mr. Black, wanted to leave his pretty little wife good times to remember him by, hasn't he?" His face was just inches from hers now, Janelle nodded slowly. Afraid of the Dark Lord's next move, his brand of torture today was pushing contact. She whimpered as he tugged on her hair, pulling her head closer to his. He took a large whiff of her hair, "vanilla verbena. Just the way he remembered it, so vividly so." She clenched her hazel eyes shut, truly frighten of where the conversation was leading.

"Had this been my request or yours?"

"Mine." She whispered.

"Of course." She could hear the smugness in his voice. He had already knew as much, he just wanted to reiterate it for his own amusement. He slid behind her, now pulling her hair hard back, she was now forced to stare up at his mutated face. "Poor, poor Janelle, despite the ever flamboyant attitude, there is a bit of predictability in her routine. And that predictability could easily be mistaken for naïveté, and that my dear," he leaned close, "could be misinterpreted as feigned innocence." She tried not to shiver from disgust as he dragged his callous tongue against her skin. His breath was sort of minty, and cool. She wondered _whether he brushed his teeth or an elaborate charm_ , her face dropped forward. He released her hair, circling her once more. She was breathing fast, trying to anticipate his next move. "Untouched for more than 15 years, almost as pure as when Regulus took a taste of you himself." She shook as he flicked his wand, transfiguring her robes to something resembling her old uniform. She gasped feeling the familiar fabric, everything was almost exactly the same, down to the hiked up skirt which was rolled up three times around her waist.

"Is this-"

"The same? No. But Mr. Black did have a particular sharp memory of details." He stared down at her with a new vigor of interest, much like a vulture locking onto its prey.

"What I haven't quite understood, is why? Why had he chose you?"

"I don't know why h-" he shot a withering jinx at her. All she could do was mouth her silence excuses. He stopped in front of her and grinned, one that made her whole spine tingle.

"Something you did, Janelle, changed him." She vehemently shook her head in disagreement. He clutched her cheekbones, digging into them slightly, stilling her pleas of no. "I believe it was the physical promise of you," she tried fighting hard against his grip, crying, "I'm intrigued whether the pound of flesh was really worth the betrayal?" He flicked his wand again, diminishing the jinx.

"No!" She shouted, surprised by the spark of her hoarse voice, he merely chuckled at her amused.

"The problem that you haven't overcome is that you lack a choice here." He swooped in, his dark eyes piercing into hers, "I will have you."

* * *

 _The prima facie pleasure made him believe she had desired this experience._

Janelle had been left in a wake of distress. Voldemort had left hours prior, clothes shredded, only held together in the clasp of her hands. _How could she live with herself?_ She could handle being beaten, she could handle being starved, but _never had_ , her lips quivered at the thought, but _rape_ had never been a real fear of hers.

 _A quick few tugs at her painfully erect nipples and the teasing of her cunt, he slowed his attack, if only for a moment. "Janelle," he rasped in a husky tone, "I hardly believe that Black had to put all this effort in by himself?" He pulled his length out only to slap in onto her swollen region. He also relocated her flaying hand forcing it to rub firmly in between her legs. She tried not to be distracted by the sweet pressure from below. "Tell your lord how you want it." She cried when he slapped her in the face, he wanted her response, and she wanted to cease to exist._

 _"Please-please my lord...make me," she gasped as he pushed back into her with little restraint._

 _"Keep going," he instructed her. He wanted her to be literally dripping beneath him._

 _"Make me cum again, please my... my lord," she managed to squeal out midway between his various speeds of thrusts._

The most personal violation of it all, her former master, _her rapist_ , had made her cum, over and over again. He jested she was the best she would ever have, and _will ever have_. The betrayal of her body as she creamed against his cruel mouth and his pelvis. The internal battle between pleasure and fighting to remember the one who was defiling her. He had lamented to her when his appetite had been sated, that she was a nifty prize.

 _"_ _I would pass you around my ranks to my more faithful men," he cupped her face, she winced closing her eyes. "A pureblooded prize for ones too busy to find a suitable one." She didn't want to be touched anymore. Janelle tried to pull away from what seemed the thousandth time. "But your womanhood is the real conspirator, and disloyalty among my followers is an aversion of mine."_

One of the few treasured memories she had of her dear Regulus had been transformed into fear inducing, and self-hating swill. The door swung open, revealing Bellatrix and Narcissa to the aftermath. Both of the woman sneered at the smell of desperation and sex sweat that greeted their senses. Narcissa stood a distance away as Bellatrix came barreling at her target. She was downright jealous of what the Dark Lord had done to her.

"What's wrong little traitor?" She asked, giving Janelle a swift kick in the side. The pain hadn't even register in her mind, which wasn't satisfying for Bellatrix in the slightest. "C'mon, cry little wench." She pushed the tip of her wand hard in her throat, "I want to hear you beg for your life." Bellatrix threaten, trying to intimidate her. Janelle's hazel eyes quickly gaze over the mad woman, then back into nothingness. Bellatrix had once been an ally, had been fiercely loyal to the old traditions. A crusader of blood purity. Now, Janelle wouldn't give her the satisfaction. In all honesty she couldn't if she wanted to, she was numb.


	3. How She Lost Him

_(Past: August 1995)_

Sirius stood opposite of Albus and _her_. It was all too much to have her in his childhood home. Half of Sirius expected Regulus to trudge through the door and berate him for being around his girlfriend. He shook his head, this was his _brother's wife_ , they weren't teenagers anymore and Regulus was long gone. Gone how, Albus was trying to see if his could unlock that answer.

Deidra sniffled. It was rather unbecoming of her to be in state of emotional distress in front of others. She nodded for Dumbledore to continue, he had given her a mild pain sedative and a truth potion in order to help the theoretical process move much quicker. The dull ache was burning the in the back of her mind as he continued.

 _This Sirius fellow had been oddly right about the miserable house elf. He seemed to wait on her every whim, speaking praises of her, well her former self. Yes, Mistress Black. Your favorite scones Mistress. Mistress will restore the Noble House of Black. He even got choked up bringing up Regulus, but that is when Sirius had barked at the house elf to leave. The subject she noted, was a touchy one. She waited until she was stuffed into a room that her 'brother in law' decreed as hers previously._

 _"_ _Kreacher?" Called out, wondering if the little creature would appear._

 _A loud POP, and a bow, the little thing appeared. "Yes, Mistress?" Deidra wondered whether she should correct the elf but she came to the conclusion that pleasantries were needed for this conversation._

 _"_ _I don't know how privy you are to my reasons for staying here, but I was wondering if I could ask you something?" She was holding her knees, unsure of how lax she should sit. Was it safe to be unguarded?_

 _"_ _Kreacher heard, Kreacher hears many things while serving the house of Black."_

 _"_ _So you know about why I can't remember?" The miserable elf fiddled with his torn garb. "Kreacher if you know something, please tell me."_

 _"_ _Kreacher was there when Master Regulus took Mistress's memories." The elf admitted. Tears piqued at the corner of her eyes, daring to fall. She felt the elf tug on her free hand, she gave him a smile watery smile accepting the handkerchief from him. "Kreacher does not want Mistress to cry. The house of Black does not show weakness." She quietly nodded. Her mind was racing, she had a million and one questions to ask. Where to start? Could she start? Would he answer everything she asked?_

 _"_ _Kreacher what happened?"_

 _"_ _Kreacher must not tell, Master Regulus ordered him so. Never speak of this, never, to no one." So that answered some of her questions right away. This elf was loyal to Regulus and won't talk about things he told him not to._

 _"_ _Okay, well are there other things you can tell me about your master?" She watched the elf's eyes nearly double in size, she could almost swear she could see excitement flash across his small body._

 _"_ _Yes mistress."_

"Well at least your short term memory is intact. Yesterday's events were clear in your mind. But that is as far as I can allow today." Deidra was a bit dejected about the progress. Dumbledore had said that he would help her gain her memories back and introduce her to her family. Neither of which he had really done just yet. He patted her hands, giving her an encouraging smile. "Sirius could you show her back to her room, I think she needs to rest now."

" _Now, I'm her bloody butler_." He mumbled under his breath. He pulled at her arm, "This way princess."

* * *

 _(Current timeline: March 1996)_

 _"_ _Don't do this Regulus, please." She was gripping his hands so tightly that it hurt her, she was desperate to get him to abandon this mission of his. This was treachery, and she would have to stop him with any means necessary. She didn't want him to get hurt, but she had to do anything to protect her lord. His grey eyes stared down into her concerned hazel ones, her eyes reflected the conflict she felt in that moment. She was torn between the loyalty of their cause, and the love she thought they shared with one another. Her eyes frantically searched for the slightest hint of regret, a waver in judgment, he couldn't do this to her. Not if he truly loved her. "Please, Reg, don't make me choose between the two. I love you more than you possibly can imagine." She began to tear up, he still hadn't said a word, just forced a hand out of her tight grip to trace the tear trail down her face. His thumb wiped the wetness from her lips._

 _"_ _I know, Janelle. I know darling. But this has to be done. I have to-"_

 _"_ _I gave up everything for you Regulus. I joined this very cause in order to stay with you, despite the danger, despite the risks. As long as I was with you, nothing else matter." His stroking paused, his solemn face finally frowned._

 _"_ _I know. And I will never be able to repay you-" She interrupted again, just absolutely shocked at his response. She pulled from his embrace, taking a step back._

 _"_ _I don't think you do. I gave up a quiet life, a comfortable engagement to be with you. You know my family wanted me to marry into the Rosier line. I convinced them the House of Black was the better option, that_ _ **YOU**_ _, Regulus, were the better option!" His eyes held contempt, maybe forlorn for better solution but his face gave no indication whether her rant was stalling his decision or not. "I gave up the right to have children! To be with you, Regulus, to be with you! I've always wanted to be a mother. But I put that aside. Because I had you, and you were enough. And now you're taking that from me!" She wrapped her arms around herself, turning away from her apparent ex-lover. "You're so bloody selfish!" He wrapped his arms around her, cocooning her trembling form in a familiar and somewhat welcomed hold. He brushed some of her freshly bleached hair from her ear._

 _"_ _I'm doing this for everyone. You will see it eventually." He whispered, his voice full of pain._

 _"_ _But this is all that we wanted."_

 _"_ _What our parents wanted, Janelle." She shook her head violently._

 _"_ _No. What WE wanted, Regulus. We are adults, we make our own decisions now."_

 _"_ _Precisely. This is my decision."_

 _"_ _But how could you betray the dark lord like this? How could you betray me like this?" She sobbed, reaching for her wand. "You know what I'm going to have to do, right?" She felt his grasp tighten around her, preventing her from moving her arms. "Regulus?"_

 _"_ _I love you Janelle, more than anything in the world." She could feel the pressure of her wand and well as Regulus's pressed against her temple. She forcibly closed her eyes._

 _"_ _Please don't do this, I love you too." She wasn't ready to die, she wasn't ready to leave without him. He kissed her golden locks._

 _"_ _You'll forgive me one day. Oblivate."_

"Answers." He muttered. Janelle huffed, her head reaming with a bloody migraine from his latest mind attack. "Black, a traitor." He stepped away from Janelle's pulsating body, she ached deep down into her core. Voldemort had really toyed inside her mind to find the answers he seek. Not even Dumbledore had found the truth of Regulus's betrayal hidden in her mind. The Dark Lord was livid at the possibility, no reality of one of him own turning their backs from him.

"Your loyalties no longer pure, the old fool had seen to that." He muttered to her.

"Why do you say that?" She bit her lips shut when his attention snapped back towards her. He let out a sound of disapproval as he quickly approached her. She tried to move back, but there was little room on the loveseat she had unceremoniously thrown on. She flinched as he traced his wand on the side of her face, why did she try to solicit an explanation from him? What was wrong with her?

"I know when I see a Phoenix at heart. This 'Deidra' portion of your current life couldn't cope with the atrocities that Janelle committed. What Black had done all those years ago has poisoned _your_ mind, _her_ personality, and furthermore, _her_ loyalty." He snarled jabbing his wand under her chin, forcing her to connect eyes once again. "But it doesn't mean you completely useless to me. Loyal or not. I have found some purpose for your time spent here." He tapped her chin, opening her mouth wide. She fought trying to close it. She bucked her hips, thrashed her legs trying to stop the inevitable from happening again. Her mind was screaming. God damn Janelle! This was all her fault. Her baggage bled, no hemorrhaged into Deidra's quiet life!

"NO, NO!" She tried to fight his magic as hard as she could, the closer her face came towards the front of his loosened robes the more she-

"Imperio." Suddenly compliance once again, "now Janelle you're going to your master a good time."

* * *

 _(Past: August 6th 1995)_

"Sirius when had you found time to find yourself a woman?" Deidra, no, _Janelle_ scoffed at the idea. She would never be passed around a family, especially to the brother of her late husband. As arrogant, and although as devilishly charming as he was in his youth, it still would never happen. She had experienced all the hurt, pain and confusion he had put Regulus through, she wouldn't allow herself to take his place in that fold of life. The redheaded man went to shake her hand, but she sneered at him, walking away to sit in a chair facing the fire. Charlie looked over at Sirius in surprise, who shrugged his shoulders in response and barked out a laugh.

"She isn't really a people person Charlie, don't mind her." Sirius glared back at Janelle, he had warned Albus that it wasn't a good time to bring her in. There was so much she did and didn't know, and he still couldn't be sure what her honest opinion about war was. The more times they had penetrated her long lost memories the more of Janelle's old personality came through. As much as that was a comfort to him, her previous loyalties were not. He worried whether letting her sit in on this meeting was a smart idea or not. But he could trust Dumbledore, he had to.

* * *

Janelle was slammed up against the kitchen wall, scratching at her throat. A man with honey eyes and scars was panting and pressing a wand to hollow of her neck. She didn't know what had set him off, but he apparently didn't like Janelle. He looked terrible, dark circles under his eyes, a snarl on his lips.

"What are you doing here? Everyone thought you dead?!" He spat out at her. Sirius began tugging at the back of the man from the middle, harshly scolding him.

"Moony, calm down. Dumbledore will explain everything. Just calm down man." The man's eyes lightened for a moment before rage consumed him once more. Janelle was scared shitless.

"How can you forget what she did to you, to us, your friends? The things she did as a Deatheater?" She looked over the man's shoulder as Sirius struggle to contain his friend.

"No but, Moony, just," Sirius really tugged at the man's clothes. Janelle accepted her fate, she was going to be murdered by a scarred man in the ancestral home of her husband. She watched Sirius's long locks slick to his face as he began perspired in the struggle.

"She killed so many of them! How can you hold me back, forgiving her?!" Watching her panic features fade and a neutral expression in its place really enraged him, and his wolf. If she was dying by his hands, she was going to taste the pain and the fear! Not accept it willingly! He wanted her to feel just as they all did when her and Bellatrix-

"Remus! Remus what are you doing!" Janelle's eyes darted towards the door of the hallway, an older redheaded woman had covered her mouth, while another woman with pink hair appeared at the angry man's other side. She tried pulling at his wand arm, "Remus lower your wand!"

He snarled again, "you don't know anything about her, Dora! Or what she has done! Just ask your father what she had did to his family!" Janelle's eyes opened wide watching the woman's features morph. Her hair blazed red! She was metamorphous!

"Remus get ahold of yourself, before I make you!" The woman doled out, snapping the man from his aggressive stance. His cheeks flushed crimson before he loosened his grip from Janelle's neck. The woman pushed the man back, giving him a pointed look. He shook his head, breathing heavy, looking down at his hands. What had he done? Sirius patted the man on the back.

"Let's go take a breather mate," Sirius suggested, directing the other out of the room. The woman in front of Janelle calmed down as well, her hair turning back to bright pink. Janelle absentmindedly rubbed her raw throat. The pink haired woman turned, accessing Janelle's injuries.

"Don't mind Remus, it's a few days before…." The woman trailed off, like she hadn't meant for it to slip.

"The full moon?" Janelle sneered. The woman looked directly at Janelle now, if she hadn't been able to breathe before now her air was really taken from her. Those eyes, did everyone here have those eyes? Tonks stared hard at the woman trying to figure out how she knew.

"How would you know?"

"Lupin, Remus Lupin, right?" Janelle answered unsure. "I knew him in school, I think." Those blue-grey eyes were burning a hole into her soul. The woman backed a step and offered her hand.

"My name's Tonks. And you are?"

"Dei, no, Janelle. My name is Janelle." She shook her head again. "Are you a Black as well?" Tonks scrunched her brow, and pouted her lips.

"I wouldn't admit that willingly, but my mother was Black. Andromedra." That name Janelle recognized from the memories, but she couldn't remember exactly where. "She's first cousin to Sirius if you can believe." That sparked something, the sisters. _Regulus's cousins: Bellatrix, Narcissa, and the disgraced one, Andromedra._ Tonks watched in interest as she watched something particular changed in Janelle's eyes.

"She isn't going to be here as well, is she?" Tonks shook her head briefly, slightly amused.

"No, fighting has never really been her thing." She laughed, "Mum has always had a wicked temper though."

"Yes, yes I remember it had rivaled Bella's on a good day," Janelle muttered.

* * *

The sheer shock nearly subdued his self-control. This had to be a trick of his eyes. Even as many years have passed, Severus never forgot a face. "Janelle?" The extracurricular conversations quieted as their attention quickly shifted towards the usually silent and brooding potions master. Sirius huffed, of course, Deatheater meeting another Deatheater, a quaint reunion he supposed. She looked around, for someone to offer a moment of clarity, who was this man? Raven colored, almost greasy tresses. Dark, feral eyes. Black robes a bit too big, giving him the appearance of an overgrown bat. His expressionless face, not revealing any ounce of his true emotions, despite the surprise in his voice. He reminded her of boy in those memories, quiet, reserved other than a raging temper, but absolutely brilliant.

"Ah, yes Janelle, I see that Snivil-" she cut him off, while Snape fought the immediate desire to curse Sirius.

"His name is Severus, I thought by now you'd grown from childish sentiments." Sirius was a bit perturbed by his former sister in law, but released a barking laugh.

"Not today love, not today." Sirius sat down at the table, mockingly gesturing for Severus to sit as well.

"I'd rather pitch myself from the Astronomy tower." Severus backed a few paces, taking his usual spot by the corner of the wall. Sirius kicked his legs up on the table crossing his feet.

"Suit yourself." Everyone now turned their attention to the last guests to enter the room, a disgruntled Remus sat down next to his friend, while the headmaster greeted everyone with a small smile.

"Now that everyone is acquainted we have lengthy matters to discuss."

* * *

Severus's head was still swirling as he recounted the turn of events to Narcissa. She was formerly a Black, and wife to one of their Lord's inner circle; who other than her will have any guidance about this situation?

"Can you make heads or tails of this Narcissa?" She sat her tea down, massage her forehead with her left hand.

"Of course, the Black family wasn't already complicated enough." She sighed, "What would you like me to do here?"

"I'm not sure. I only got bits and pieces about why she was there and how they had found her."

"Where is Regulus then?" She leaned back in her chair, "wasn't he the one to orchestrate their disappearance?"

"Presumed dead. He had erased her memories and forced h-"

"Erased her memories? What for?"

"Apparently to leave her to live a sheltered life in a muggle community. Never knowing who she truly was and never meeting another magical being."

"How horrible!" She said incredulously. "To be abandoned to live like filth. But with that being said, how does she know what she does?"

"He preserved memories, books, lists, articles, everything she would need to self-teach. He had set up a modest endowment and a rather comfortable housing for her as well. He must have been planning it for months." Narcissa sighed once again.

"With all that planning, you would think he would have went with her? Or perhaps little cousin was caught? But whom? No one had said anything about his cowardice."


	4. Mind Games and Betrayal

_(Past: October 1995)_

"I don't think this is wise Albus." Sirius pleaded with his old professor. They can't fully trust Janelle just yet, despite her progress. Janelle's face sours at Sirius's remark. Albus patted his shoulder as Janelle straightened her hair out. She was going to meet her brother today and nothing he said was going to change that. She was a free woman, unlike him.

"No reason to be jealous Sirius." She smiled at his soured expression, she mockingly pecked his cheek as she ushered Dumbledore towards the door. "I'll be back before curfew. Promise." She blew him another kiss before slamming the front door shut with a bang. Sirius cursed loudly, waking his dreadful mother's portrait once again. Even if Albus trusted her, he couldn't trust who she could possibly run into. Deatheaters lurked all corners of the wizarding world, finding a newly discovered one would cause some suspicion. He was going to follow whether they liked it or not.

Albus gave her a moment to gather her bearings, she still hadn't mastered the somersaults her stomach did after apparating. She felt as uneasy as a newborn foul trying to take its first steps, it was rather infuriating. Some wizards passing by gave her confused looks as she trailed behind the old wizard. Surprising many were going out of their way to avoid Dumbledore, giving the friendly man as little attention and acknowledgement as possible. For him being such a public figure for so many years it was rather peculiar reaction, but he had paid to mind to it. He gave her a grandfather-like smile before directing her inside of a pub.

"This way." Albus brought her to corner of the pub towards an impatient man staring at his pocket watch. His short dark hair was perfectly coifed to one side, and he was impeccably dress. He looked up at the sound of approaching footwear, he had been nursing a butterbeer for nearly 15 minutes. Deidra, no, she corrected herself. Janelle hesitated getting closer to the man, his hazel eyes were greener than brown, very familiar, but he was missing something. She couldn't exactly put her finger on it. "Mr. Fawley." He announced, the man straightened up nodding at the two.

"Is this her?" He scanned her over several times, making her self-conscious. "She looks different." He complained to Albus. The old man smiled pushing the woman forward. She rubbed her arm, nervous.

"Go ahead poppette."

"Hi Frenchie!" She covered her mouth, she wasn't sure where that name had come from. It just flew right out of her mouth. The man scoffed, before smirking himself.

"That's her alright." He gestured for her to sit by him, Dumbledore elected to stand. She looked at him expectantly.

He tapped the end of his nose, "I have a few errands to run. I trust you remember where to go?"

"Yes?" She agreed uncertain. And with that he whistled and walked away, leaving her with her estranged brother. _What an odd man indeed._

"So we all thought that you ran off with that Deatheater husband of yours." She blushed, not sure what to say to her former brother. "Father was disappointed that you didn't take time to see him before he died." She looked sullen at the thought.

"I didn't know. I really didn't know anything until recently. Dumbledore helped restore-"

"Been spending all your time with that old cotter? Don't you remember anything that man has done to our family-"

"No I don't actually. He found me. He has been trying to help me remember. I can only remember select memories."

"The shame he had brought our father. The absolute dislike of you in school because you were sorted into Slytherin." She shook her head, she didn't remember much of Hogwarts other than what others had told her. Dumbledore had been able to uncover somethings from her childhood, and tidbits of educational information but nothing super substantial when it came to her former life, or rather her former career.

"I didn't do this on purpose. At least I don't think."

"You don't think."

"I had my memory wiped. And, well," she pulled back her sleeve, the angry festering mark stared back at them, "this as well." He yanked her arm towards him, he began to inspect the hideous scar up close.

"So you were one of them. Huh?" He allowed her to take possession of her arm once as he took a large gulp of his butterbeer. "But now instead, you have this beauty mark to remind you by."

"Speaking of beauty mark, didn't you have-" He chuckled making her pause.

"Burning the mole from below my eye doesn't resonate with you? Or telling me my diseased spot was eventually going to eat my eye anyways so what you were going to do wasn't going to hurt me any?"

"No." She refuted his claims.

"Well, you did by the way. It took several weeks to get over the fact you openly set a part of my face ablaze." She shook her head in disbelief.

"I really was rotten." She deduced.

"Well, it wasn't all bad. My current wife could thank you for the much "needed" improvement to my face." Her eyes lit up at his comment.

"I heard you had a son as well."

"Sullivan, he's an exceptional kid." He looked around and leaned in, "A pureblood obviously." He winked at her, why she did- Well smiled? Some relief soothed her, but she wasn't sure why. Was that supposed to mean something to her? She nearly gaped at her lapsed in judgment, former Janelle did. It twisted her stomach thinking about anyone less than pure.

"Hufflepuff though?"

"That was definitely the wife's doing. Humble at heart."

* * *

 _(Current: April 1996)_

Janelle laid in a corner, just shaking. It was frigid in the room, and she refused to move closer to the fireplace. It was closer to _**him**_. The thin emerald slip he had transfigured for her helped little with retaining heat. Its real purpose was to keep her scantily clad and mildly appealing at a moment's notice, but she had tried to convince herself it was the only thing holding her dignity together. She was partially draped on the floor and ruddy awful hard chair. She was trying not to breathe too heavily, she had wanted her master to forget her existence.

He chuckled lightly, continuing on with book and papers he was reading. He was amused at her quivering hope.

At least for a little while, she surmised regrettably. _How could Regulus do this to her? She could have had a good life, she could have keep her friends, her family, and her sanity. She had been cursed and defiled so often she struggled to define in reality who she was anymore. Was she ignorant Deidra or beyond reproach Janelle?_

"Do you need a reminding?" She flinched, his voice was so close. "Look up." She dared to tip her head up, only to be confused. He was still sitting at his desk, and hadn't moved. She blinked, he still hadn't moved. _Did she imagine that?_

"Perhaps you had," his phantom voice mocked. Her back hit the wall in scared desperation. _He was still sitting there! What was going on? He had to be doing this?_ A ghost of smirk, the corner of his lips turned upward.

"You are!" She accused. Instantly she squeaked in regret. Her legs went sprawling in the air as her body drug across the cool surface of the floor. "No, No!" She slammed up against the desk where he was seated. He causally looked down at her twisted up form.

"Apparently you need another lesson pet." He pulled her up by her hair, now they were face to face. "To learn your rightful place."

* * *

 _(Past: October 1995)_

"Janelle, Janelle Black?" She whipped around to be greeted by beautiful blonde woman. She was elegant to say the least. Who had addressed her by her old name? "Is that really you?" She took in the rich silk robes and designer jewels that adorned her. Whoever she was, she had a lot of money and certainly flaunted it. Sean patted her side, laying a chaste kiss on her cheek.

"Nice to see you again, Narcissa." He waved off Janelle, "See you later sis." And he quickly disappeared with a crack. She touched her cheek confused by the gesture, they hadn't even shook hands inside the pub.

"Narcissa?" The name felt familiar on her tongue, like someone had mentioned recently. A smile quickly appeared on her face, yes, yes, she remembered on. "Black?"

"Malfoy, dear. You stood up in my wedding." Narcissa corrected. Janelle pointed to herself.

"Me?" The woman looked slightly put off, but hid it well.

"Yes, with Regulus. Speaking of which, where is my dear cousin. I haven't seen him in a long time. You must have a couple kids now." Narcissa remarked, trying to fish for answers. But Janelle frowned. The woman seemed to have hoped the best for the apparent star struck lovers.

"Well, a no. I haven't seen him either. I've been alone now, for a long time." Janelle wasn't sure how to phrase the situation delicately in a public setting.

"Alone? When did he leave?" For those questions, she had no answers. Before her supposed 'hit and run' accident, she believed. A lone tear slid down her cheek, "Oh dear. Wipe that away." Narcissa magicked a handkerchief. Janelle chuckled lowly, _Blacks don't show weakness_. She nodded, showing her gratitude towards Narcissa. Maybe this was too much of a blast from the past, she really should prepare herself for a public liaison.

"I apologize for embarrassing you. It's a bit overwhelming being back here again." Narcissa contemplated sequestering her further, she was just bubbling with questions. She would have to report this to her husband. "Would you like to talk over lunch? Maybe we could catch up." Janelle suggested.

Narcissa nodded enthusiastically, "Yes. I believe that would be a wise idea." Janelle smiled, her husband's cousin had an interesting way of speaking. What Janelle thought was an intriguing quirk was really blunt words coming from the wealthy woman's mouth. "Where would you like-," Narcissa paused causing Janelle to look back at her pinched nose, "What is that dreadful smell?" Janelle sniffed the air, quickly turning around to the sound of growling. Her friend!

"Oh hey boy!" She bent down to pat the upset animal. Somehow her dog had found her once again. And apparently Narcissa and he didn't seem to like each other.

"Is that mutt yours? We wouldn't be able to take him along if he's snarling…and honestly smells like that." Narcissa covered her mouth and nose dramatically, she couldn't help by giggle at her behavior. Uptight about her starting to cry but melodramatic about a smell. The dog nipped at Narcissa again before pulling hard at Janelle's clothes.

"Well, uh, I guess I should go. Could I send you an o-" He was successful at dragging Janelle away a few meters. "I'll contact you!" The dog nudged her impatiently towards the end of town, where a thicket of trees were. Janelle entertained the dog and followed willingly, perhaps he had wanted to show her something. She hadn't seen him since she had moved to Grimmauld place, which had to be been several months now. She hadn't kept track. Somehow he found her once again. She felt a bit guilty not having sought out the animal once again. He would have been better company than-

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Janelle was trying to gather herself, her back ache as it slammed into a tree again and again. "Answer me woman." She narrowed her eyes at Sirius, whose hands were painfully clutched around her arms.

"Where the hell did you-" she looked around, the black dog was no longer around.

"You know she is married deep with Deatheaters! What were you thinking talking to her!" Sirius shouted angrily at her. Janelle still wasn't processing what he was ranting about. Where had- realization hit her like a freight train.

"YOU'RE THE DOG!"

* * *

 _(Current: April 1996)_

Janelle was slumped beneath the desk, her face and hair were sticky. She was coated in the dark load's seed. Narcissa grew green with sickness at the sight before. Her husband's master was a twisted man. Punishing this girl, and torturing _her_ for introducing Janelle back into their lives. She had only wanted to reach out to a former cousin, a former Black. She silently banished the mess, without disturbing her, but the smell of stale sweat and blood made her nose wrinkle. She needed a bath.

"Don't touch me! Who are you?" Narcissa paused, nearly gasping at the admission.

"I'm your husband's cousin." She replied calmly, offering her help once again.

"I don't have a husband." Deidra exclaimed, but the instant she said it, she held her aching forehead in her hands. "Do I?" Janelle was married, she remembered.

Narcissa's usual expressionless face fell into a pitying frown. He must be toying inside her head as well.

"At one time. He died long ago." She paused, Janelle stilled, her unwavering gaze back made Narcissa nearly crumble. "Let's get you cleaned up." Janelle nodded her head slowly crawling out from under the desk. She felt she could trust those with comforting eyes. No cruel intentions hid beneath their blue/grey stare. She stumbled clinging to Narcissa, soiling her dress robes. S _he felt light, too light. Hadn't she been feed in a while?_ Something brought her out of her wandering thoughts. But hardly at the moment, she hadn't care, she noticed the pools of blood dripping down either sides of her legs. Janelle blushed, trying to wave off Narcissa's steady hands. She said nothing, continuing towards the door, a lot running through her mind.

"He bites. Really hard." Janelle admitted in a small voice.

* * *

 _(Past: October 1995)_

"You're sick!" She threw herself away from him, fleeing down the hallway. Sirius hot on her trail. "Get away from me you bloody bastard!" She made it almost to the front door before her body roughly slammed into the wall.

"Just let me explain." He started but she wasn't having any of it. She struggled against his hands which were cuffed tightly around her wrists.

"Explain what? That you're a perverted arsehole. I think I've got it figured out. Now let me-"

"I hadn't meant for you to find out." She huffed at his words. He already knew. "That came out wrong."

"You don't say." She spat.

"Janelle please listen. I hadn't meant to get so close to you. I had wanted to know whether or not you were real. I just needed-" She kicked her leg out, hitting him in the shin. He grunted.

"So everything I've done has been a bloody test?!" She yelled at his behest, "Do you remember all the things I said, the things I whispered in confidence to a dog I thought was my friend."

"Yes, yes I remember everything and I've told no one. What you have told me I have kept in the confidence."

"Lies!" He dropped his hold on her arms as her knee came in contact between his legs. She darted up the steps the second his relinquish his hold over her. "I'm leaving here! And you're not going to stop me!" Sirius leaned against the wall, trying to catch his breath, while punching a hole in the crumbling drywall.

* * *

 _(Current: April 1996)_

 _"No, no, Sirius!" A crash and crunch, the two flinched. The 9 and 8 year old began to quickly panic. If Mrs. Black saw that we had broken- "Sirius fix it, fix it now." Janelle begged for the older boy to mend it._

 _"I'm trying shut up." He was toying with the pieces of the vase, it had been a precious heirloom, well before they broke it. Janelle began feverishly pacing as he tried harder to mend it. Her daddy wouldn't let her come over again if she was a bad girl._

 _"Mother will be very displeased with you two." Janelle paused, finally recognizing Regulus's presence. His hands were clasped behind his back, which was eerily stiff. Janelle ran towards her other friend, he always could avoid punishment. He would know what to do! Why did she have to follow his older brother around, he almost always got her in trouble every time._

 _"Regulus. We don't know how to fix it. We have to hide it from your Mother. Please." His formidable mask relented, their pureblood upbringing meant all three of the children would be severely punished._

 _"Trixie and Cissa are downstairs. See if you can get one of them to help." Janelle stomped her feet, his older cousins were scary mean._

 _"That isn't going to work Reggie. They'll probably dog at us for a minute before showing mother themselves. We can't have that, they'll- wait. You know something that we don't." Sirius abandoned his pursuit to intimidate his brother. "Well what is it?" Regulus would not give his brother the satisfaction, he whispered into Janelle's ear. Her child chubby cheeks began to flush red._

 _"That's not ladylike." Her little nose wrinkled, "we should tell on them instead." Little Janelle went rushing out the room to get the girl cousins._

 _"Brats." With a flick of her wrist Bellatrix fixed the vase. The children released a sigh of relief. "And if you dare speak about what you saw you will regret it." She threatened, they already knew not to cross Trixie. EXCEPT…_

 _"Until next time." Janelle surprising announced, being the cheeky one instead of Sirius. Bellatrix smirked, while Narcissa and now tagging along, Andromeda, frowned._

 _"Oh I think I like this one." Bellatrix exclaimed. The teenage girls ignored the younger kids, snickering to themselves. Like it was some weird inside joke._

 _"Perhaps an arranged marriage to one of them." Narcissa muttered._

 _"Poor girl." They cackled exiting the room._

 _"Hey wait!" Janelle called chasing after the older girls, what did they mean?_

When she opened the door, she was no longer in Grimmauld place, but outside. In the dark? She looked around, surprised to find herself outside the Ministry of Magic. Had she been there before?

 _"Janelle GET BACK HERE!" Sirius came bounding towards her in a rage._

 _ **Run Janelle,** a voice whispered. Janelle hiked her skirt up and bolted, she was missing her wand. She had to get away. She cried out, running into Regulus's arms. _

_"Please, Reg. Help me! Help! He's gone mad!" She screamed, while Regulus said nothing._

 _"You are MINE!" Sirius roared, as he hauled her back. His wand trained at the other man. She thrashed against her captor. Regulus's expression remained stoic, but his eyes spoke another story. Janelle reached hard for him, mouthing please. She didn't want to leave with him, she wouldn't leave with him. She threw her elbow back hard, a harsh grunt, and hands released her. She rushed towards Regulus. He stared forward, made no indication towards her._

 _"Please help! Save me!" She cried as she ran faster, she was trying to end the metaphorical gap between the two lovers. He dared to move his head slightly, discouraging from her pursuit. She slowed significantly, almost walking towards him now. Each step becoming heavier than the full thud in her chest. Why?_

 _ **You've lost, Janelle. You've lost everything,** the voice whispered again. _

"NOOO!" Janelle screeched thrashing wildly in the tub. Narcissa had backed a few steps, bewildered. One minute she was helping Janelle clean herself up and the next minute her eyes rolled into her head and she began muttering like a nutter. Janelle stopped, panting hard looking at her surroundings. She wasn't in an alleyway, she wasn't in Grimmauld place, but still in Malfoy Manor with Narcissa. "What, what happened?" She whispered, her voice was taunt. She held her throbbing head in her hands, trying to shake the images from her head.

Narcissa shook her head and answered in an equally frightened whisper, "I have no idea."


	5. Information from an Unlikely Source

_(Past: December 18th 1995)_

"Oh bloody hell, more redheads." Janelle complained, and Sirius nudged her warningly in the ribs. As if to say shut it.

"Their father," he pointed to the children, "her husband," he pointed to their mother now, "was just attacked. Try being sympathetic for once in your life." Janelle bit her lip, for in fear of biting his head off. Not that she didn't want to, but she wasn't entirely cruel. This wasn't the time, even though he deserved that and so much more. Dumbledore was the only reason she hadn't left. He had calmly explained that they still had work to do unlocking her past, while she grew accustomed to the wizarding world once again. Besides she had nowhere else to go for the moment, and she understood that he knew this. But Sirius rebuked any wrongdoing on his part. Her shaky trust in him, had been tainted beyond repair. Spending the last few weeks unable to even to look at him. She stepped around Sirius sitting on the steps quietly, looking more morose than usual. The Weasley children filled in with somber faces: red irritated eyes and watery frowns. A majority shuttled passed her going down the hallway while a black haired boy kept his distance, almost guiltily walking in Sirius's arms.

"It's good to see you Harry." Sirius whispered. Hugging his godson tightly, Harry on the other hand halfheartedly returned the gesture.

"I shouldn't be here, not when-" Sirius backed a bit to look at the young boy's face as his sentence trailed off. His green eyes wouldn't reach the concern grey eyes of his godfather, but Janelle could see. His eyes were swirling with culpability and shame, his face hardened with grief. She couldn't help to wonder why he felt so poor. Perhaps he felt misplaced, and outsider looking in on a terrible, private moment of another family. The young boy shouldn't feel like a stranger here, unlike her, she didn't know this family, but he did. It was obvious their love for him, otherwise all the side glances and smiles she caught the family giving him over the last few months would of never happen.

"You're here with me as well. Don't worry so much Harry, we'll have a grand Christmas together. Just us if you like." Harry smiled, comforted by Sirius's offer. He nodded, which enticed Sirius to give him a wolfish grin in return. He slung his arm around Harry's shoulder, corral him towards the others in the kitchen. Sirius stopped quickly beside Janelle sitting on the stairs, surprising her as she tried not to look like she had been spying on their conversation. The younger boy stared daggers at her as if she purposely intruded on the two conversing. "You're welcomed to join the living, _dear sister_." Harry was aghast at Sirius's declaration. Janelle rolled her eyes at his pettiness. She waved them off. He shrugged, leading Harry farther down the hall. "Suit yourself." She couldn't help but wonder how an innocent boy bare such weight on his shoulders.

* * *

 _(Current: End of April 1996)_

Her body was almost wax, maybe, not that exactly, but it was the best she had felt in a while. No nightmares, mild aches, but expected aches, and somehow a soothing contentment. Maybe she had been slipped a draught?

"A correct assumption." She had been slightly surprised by the unannounced guest in her cell, but her actions didn't relay it. Her movement towards the ominous dark lord were lax and fluid, like she hadn't been startled at all. Her confusion burned on the depths of her uninhibited mind. Why was he here? Why did she need to be coax into a comfortable state? Was he here to take advantage of her again?

"Personally l like a well fed woman. But you will do." Janelle turned her head, trying to look away from him. She must have nodded off, thus not hearing him approach her. The Dark Lord, only smiled at her avoidance. He began to toy with her hair, pausing hearing her mutter. "Speak louder Lady Black." Janelle turned towards her former master, her current tormentor.

"Well fed? Who knew the Dark Lord fancied a thicker lass." Janelle jested, even though she possibly could foresee it being the last thing she could very well ever said. To her horror, he neither narrowed his eyes nor gave her reprieve of the situation. No, his pale lips burst with laughter _. He was laughing at her?_ He patted the side of her confused face as he paced in front of her.

"Yes, yes the wild card Janelle is still there. The one that spoke out of turn in hope of impressing her master. Humoring him so."

"I-I don't understand." She admitted, his eyes danced with amusement. This wasn't the response she had hoped for. A quick death or a curse to render her unconscious, but not comedic accolades.

"Let me clarify," he pulled her up, forcing her to stand on her weakened legs. "Well fed also indicates a steady income, a stable home. No worries about finding your next meal, and having a little extra baggage to heat yourself against the frigid weather." Janelle was trying to piece together what he had explained.

"A shapely woman because-"

"Because they had everything that I did not!" He snarled, holding her painfully close. She was trying to rationalize what he meant, had...had he been jealous? He was attracted towards the very people he envied? She had never thought of it that way, she only had to consider what marriage would serve her a better dowry and possible physical attraction.

"I know nothing of your upbringing." She simply stated. She had no way to continue on his train of thought. All she could infer was that he had grown up shamelessly in poverty unlike her. She couldn't relate.

"Of course. Little do. As I grew older, I found the very ones that captured my interest envy me back." He pivoted back and forth, keeping them in a rhythm that only he could follow. She kept dragging her tired feet. "Starving and frequent beatings apparently meant a wealth of _beauty_. Never having to worry about the frivolous comforts, but rather the idea that being thin is attractive. Not magic, not skill set, but pure social vanity. Once I had discovered the face value of appearances, it only got easier to manipulate people into what I needed. No need to rely on the fear of threats, or money, people will bend over backwards for ones they find handsome. The irony in it all." Janelle pondered what he said, but still tripped over the idea that he had once been handsome. She had always seen him for the monster he is, and avoid any anger he may have had. "Now, now," he chided, spinning her in such a way, she inadvertently clutched to him for support, "I believe we were having a pleasant conversation. Which is it, Janelle?"

"I don't understand." She shook her head, staring into his dark eyes.

"And here, I thought you vying for something other than physical attention," she shivered uncontrollably, as he smirked down at her. He pressed her head against his skeleton like chest, flipping her messy hair over her shoulder. To address her, _almost as a lover would_. In an intimate embrace, whispering into her ear. He chuckled, which she certainly confirm that it wasn't going to be sweet nothings. "In order to hinder my anger, you could tempt with an offer of information."

"Information?" She whispered, clearly still in a daze. "What information could I possibly have that you already don't?"

"Actual experience. You have firsthand knowledge that I wish to possess. There is a grave difference between seeing events unfold versus undergoing the events. Tell me what I want to know."

"Of who?" Catching slightly was what he was referring to. She could hear the intake of air into his hollow chest as he stayed silent for a few moments. Her heart was pounding from anxiety, wondering desperately what answers he sought.

" _Potter_." He snarled. "I want to know what _that boy_ holds dear."

"Sirius." She whisper with little hesitation. "Sirius is important to the boy."

* * *

 _(Past: December 24th 1995)_

"Stop." She first commanded in a pseudo serious tone. The second occurrence had her laughing out her demand, "Stop already before I hex you." Sirius released her from the shameful dance he had dragged her into, and he began dressing the elf heads on the wall with hats and beards. She giggled at the absurdity of it all. Sirius was in an extremely good mood to boot. The only thing Janelle could determine it was the appending holidays and a house full of people. This had probably been the first year...in many, or _ever_ that he had gotten to spend it with people he cared about. Even in the few memories of her childhood she couldn't remember him being this happy really for anything. It pleased her in a way it shouldn't. He still had lied to her, but his cheer was hard to ignore when he exuded it from every pore of his being. Of all the people that could have been immune, his godson spent a large portion of time avoiding others, looking downtrodden. He tried speaking to the boy on occasion, trying to spite the Christmas spirit out of him. Sirius danced across the hall sliding down the banter like a child drunk on a sugar high. A lone door croak open and the young boy, grim as could be watching Sirius disappear from view. Janelle briefly waved, for the boy to stare back unsure of her. Lack of response, she knew that was to be expected. The small wave given in return, now that was surprising. He hid back in his room, as another door threw itself open. The bushy haired girl and redheads were laughing as they stomped down the stairs. She eyed the boy's door before returning to her own room. She figured it wouldn't be long before she was sought out.

A quiet knock about twenty minutes later had proven her right.

"Come in." She announced. The boy awkwardly shuffled into her room. A bit apprehensive to get too close to her. She waited for him to speak.

"They talk about you." He whispered quietly, trying to avoid her stare.

"What do you mean by that Harry?" She moved to sit on her leg, offering him to join her on the loveseat. He shook his head, refusing politely. He continued to lightly dust his fingers across the old relics across the room. He was very uncomfortable to talk to her and she hadn't the slightest clue as to why.

"The others. Sirius. Order members. _Snape._ _ **Him**_." She laughed.

"You have the Dark Lord ready at your beck and call to discuss little ol' me. I'm flattered Harry, but this is most we have ever spoken to each other. I'm much too old for you to be developin-"

"Don't dismiss me. This isn't funny." He barked at her, she gasped. "I need to know." The boy was ballsy when he wanted something. She would obliged his in hope to sate her inner curiosity.

"Need to know what?"

"Are you like Sirius, or _Bellatrix_?" Now that question had thrown her for a loop. She crossed her arms, a little perturbed by the question itself. Did she know she was…who she is?

"I suppose, a little of both. I don't really know." She decided to answer truthfully for once. She didn't really know who she was, in past and present. And certainly the future really frightened her in that prospect.

"Sirius seems at ease with you. Who are you to him?" Of course he kept her a secret from the boy. She didn't understand why that seemed to sting so bad.

"Who are you to him? Certainly not his bastard child, are you?" She snapped back.

"My parents were murdered by Voldemort." She flinched. It was almost instinct to fear that name. "Sirius is my godfather."

"Well if it makes you feel any better my parents are dead too." Harry blatantly ignored her spiteful response. Malfoy had thrown his dead parents back in his face plenty of times. He was better than that to pick a fight with an unknown woman, a woman apparently that Sirius trusted to an extent. He posed his question again. She sighed, relenting to him finally. "A sister of sorts."

"Liar." She raised her eyebrow in mocked interest. "The Black tree doesn't show of any sisters."

"Wives, idiot boy. Of course I'm not blood. I married into the Black family." She chuckled, "Although, I was always more welcomed in the family than Sirius ever was. Even as little girl."

"So you were a Deatheater? Like _Snape_?" He spat out Severus's name with such distain and venom. His self-righteous anger almost mimicked Sirius's feelings towards the other man.

"I can't say whether I turned spy. But-"

"If you never betrayed them, how are you allowed here?" Harry asked in a confused and hurried panic. She shrugged her shoulders.

"Apparently, I'm here to alleviate the stresses of the men. I'm either their wallflower, doormat or a teenage boy's misplaced fantasy. Take your pick." She really knew how to push the buttons of those closest to her.

"I've fought **_him_** before. I wouldn't taunt me." She smirked, the boy was lashing back at her.

"Hasn't anyone told you?" She stood, her backbone straight, nearing peering face to face in the boy's eyes. "If you're going to threaten someone, you better have meant it." The boy backed away, avoiding her gaze ashamed. "Now if you're done trying to prove whatever it is, I would like to be left alone." She dismissed him. He obeyed what she asked, turning from her to leave.

"Have you been possessed by **_him_** before?" She was very uncomfortable now, how did a fourteen year old boy turn the tables on her? She began fiddling with her hair, a nervous tick.

"I don't believe so. But possession isn't too hard. You have to want it. Just as any unforgivable works. You must want to control every aspect of a person." At least that is what Regulus's memories had told her.

"In their dreams?"

"Manipulate, yes. Possession, no." The boy let out a sigh, which she couldn't decipher whether it was annoyance or relief. He quickly headed for the door, only to pause for a moment.

"Don't go to the homecoming. Because if you're wrong you-" he released a large breath, "-you'll regret it."

* * *

 _(Current: End of April 1996)_

He was very pleased by her information. Enough so, to let her please herself. He was going to allow her this luxury, just this once. He watched she feverish played with her wet sex. She laid on her stomach, which meant her arse was lifted slightly in the air. He was witnessed to her pulsing and withering under only her touch. She knew her body well.

He smirked, she knew more than she had originally lead him to believe. The godfather was the key to getting the boy to listen to his command. He had explained to him the importance of relationship between the boy and his surrogate father. And now, Voldemort would use this to his advantage. He would begin to toy with boy's thoughts as soon as he had perfected it. First he would have to test the convincability of these visions on another that was close to dear Sirius Black. He turned his attention back towards the throbbing girl. He had yet to intervene, and she was close to reaching climax. That was something he would not allow. He swatted her hands, making her grunt with frustration. The resounding slap of skin had her biting her knuckles in heated desire. Her bottom was now raw, and her dripping arousal had been so close to be sated. She mewled when she felt his long fingers trace her.

"Move back and forth." He coaxed, as his digits slid into her warmth. She moaned upon contact. He smirked, feeling the arousal that burned her. Her slick walls clamped on the ends of his fingers, as she slowly pulled forward. His tips rimmed her entrance before she quickly slammed down on them again, taking down to the knuckles this time. _Greedy, she was_. Terribly impatient for relief. He would allow her to set her own pace, to ride his fingers in a way that she could without total interference.

Pure bliss for the moment, a moment she wouldn't remember. He smirked at the true sadist he was. Her current reprieve, her current pleasure, was all thanks to a combination of potions he had Severus brew. For now, she would enjoy her fun, but soon he will enjoy his for payment of the moments she wouldn't remember.

* * *

 _"Good morning Janelle." She turned from her paper to glare at him._

 _"Is there a reason you're bothering me this early? I've barely had my toast, I don't I can stomach you and my breakfast at the same time." Sirius snorted, reaching over her to get at the teapot. She hissed in annoyance, now he was stealing all her freshly brewed tea._

 _"I'll steal whatever I please Janelle." He stated in such a nonchalant manner, she could hardly believe it._

 _"What did you just say?" She quickly asked as he sipped from his own cup._

 _"Nothing. Losing your mind already?" He grinned, while she scowled. She probably would if she had to spend the rest of her life stuck here with him._

The Dark lord smiled, watching Janelle twitch and pant in her 'state'. Bella cackled circling the dazed girl, while Narcissa and Lucius stood back silently observing what their master wanted to show them.

"Input, anyone?" Lucius gulped taking a step further to examine Janelle better. If he hadn't known any better he would have thought she was having a nightmare.

"What is she seeing my lord?" Narcissa tried hard not to shiver when the Dark lord addressed her husband with unabashed excitement.

"Cousin Black," he leaned closer to Lucius, "In a way that she certainly wouldn't remember him." He stated in a morbid glee. Narcissa finally understood what happen that day in the tub. He was testing her, testing to see if she could pick between her ideas and memories of Sirius with his own version.


	6. Welcome to the Family

**So I went back and tried to identify the differences between the past and present. I apologize for the continuity problems. I really wasn't planning on writing more besides the first chapter and when I did decide to write more I guess everything made sense to me, but lol I'm the author. Moving forward I'm going to clarify between the past and the present until I lead them to finally be concurrent in time. **_Hopefully_** will be cohesive and a little less confusing. SO sorry. _Italics_ sections were mostly memories, but sometimes it's hard to tell because Janelle can't either. Anything before the Deatheaters escaping Azkaban in Order of the Phoenix is the past. My grammar skills aren't the strongest otherwise I would be better writing past and present tense rather than break stuff up so much, (but I understand my limitations and I will try to make up for it). **Thank you PolarisRegulusBlack** for the review. I appreciate the honesty, because I really don't know sometimes if no one points it out. ***

 _(Past: January 11_ _th_ _1996)_

Janelle had been enjoying sitting in the drawing room reading while the others, the children mostly, were engrossed in Wizarding Chess. They had been a little sketchy of her presence, but hadn't said much to her since she sat down. They basically ignored her existence which was fine.

"Squash him – _squash him_ , he's only a pawn, you idiot – sorry, Mrs. Weasley, what did you say?"

"Professor Snape, dear. In the kitchen. He'd like a word." Janelle gazed from above the top of her pages when the room suddenly became too quiet. All the children looked around the room in an unexplained horror, which amused Janelle greatly. Severus had finally commanded a presence that he all been striving for since their school days. Now his presence caused several people to sour, it had Janelle in a state of giggles.

"Snape?" said Harry blankly.

" _Professor_ Snape, dear," said Mrs. Weasley reprovingly. "Now come on, quickly, he says he can't stay long." They waited until Mrs. Weasley had left the room before starting in on the boy.

"What's he want with you?"

"You haven't done anything, have you?" The girl asked.

"No!" said Harry indignantly. Janelle shook her head, trying to stifle her laughter. It was too much for her. She was trying to maintain a polite façade as Sirius had suggested- well more like told her to do. She left the room to cool off, Mrs. Weasley swept past her quickly. She noticed Sirius and Severus staring at each other with loathing sneers from the closing kitchen door. It gave Janelle an idea. She hurried off to her room to retrieve a letter.

When she returned downstairs, a happy Weasley family came barreling through the front door. The children were enthusiastically hugging their recovered father, with their mother smiling happily from behind them. He still looked a bit peaky, so Janelle quickly slipped around the family walking towards the kitchen. He would need a refreshment. _Is a pint of butterbeer appropriate for so someone that just left the hospital?_ Janelle froze upon opening the kitchen door.

"Why, yes, I suppose I am," said Snape. Harry was between the two wizards trying to discourage what they had planned to do.

"Harry – get – out – of – it!" snarled Sirius, pushing him out of the way with his free hand. The two wizards lowered their wands, coming to their senses as Mr. Weasley commented on the situation.

"What's going on here?" Severus pushed passed Sirius and Harry only pausing for a moment.

"Six o'clock Monday evening, Potter." Severus continued towards the front door.

"Severus!" Snape kept walking hastily towards the front door. _The less he was here the better._ "Severus!" _He didn't want to be held back, he just needed-_

"WHAT?" He snarled at the person who dared touch his shoulder. Janelle stared at his with wide eyes. She had forgotten his quick temper. He didn't have time for this. He had to report a similar report to the Dark Lord. "Well?" He demanded, rather impatiently. She dug into the pocket of her robes, pulling out a sealed envelope. She held it out to him.

"Before you start grumbling that you aren't an owl or house elf I was wondering if you could possibly give this to Narcissa Malfoy." He eyed the letter warily before snatching it from her awaiting hand.

"Why should I do that _for you_?" She bit her lip, she had been wondering that herself. But he was the best chance she had for getting this delivered. His own guilt was now filling him. He was originally the one who had told Narcissa to reach out to the former cousin. Janelle wrapped her fingers around her loose locks, nervously.

"Because," she whispered, "Because you're the last person that will tell Sirius anything." His eyes narrowed looking down the hallway, the devil himself made an appearance to glare at the two. He was less thrilled with Janelle's closeness than him. He smirked, anything to put that bastard Black in his place.

"Fine." She jumped up happily and wrapped her arms around his neck. His back tensed from her touch.

"Thank you, thank you Severus. I truly appreciate it." She breathed into his hair. She was over delighted he had allowed the embrace despite his lack of reciprocation. She pulled back and smiled at his surprise. "Have a good day Severus." Snape tightly nodded before slamming the door behind him. Janelle looked amused as the twin redheads looked at her in horror. She rolled her eyes as she listened to them talking quietly back and forth.

 _"Do you reckon that is the first time a woman has touched him?"_

 _"I wouldn't doubt it. Do you think she has grease stains now?"_ She smirked as Sirius's glare grew as she approached him.

"What were you telling Snivellus?" He demanded.

"Jealous?" She threw the insult, hoping he would take the bait.

"Of Snivellus?" He barked a laugh. "Hardly. But what were you talking to him about?" She smiled innocently at him, batting her eyes.

"I can't talk to an old friend?" He answered gruffly.

"No! Especially greasy old Deatheaters like him." She patted Sirius on the shoulder before shuffling pass him.

"Well he was here wasn't he? Can't be too untrustworthy. Unlike some people _I know_."

* * *

 _"Good morning, Mr. And Mrs. Black and Regulus. What a pleasant surprise." Orion Black nodded, acknowledging the girl's greeting. Walburga on the other hand gave her a customary glance before following her husband through foyer of Fawley manor. Regulus's stocked pass his girlfriend giving her a curious look. "What?" He shook his head revealing a small smile._

 _"Do you always answer the door for surprised guests, or did your father give you a clue to why we are here?" She blushed, glancing away in embarrassment. She had been too caught up in her own curiosity to see her blunder. Elves answered the door, not witches._

 _"I might have been a tad excited to know why your parents had requested brunch with my father in particular. Would you have a clue as to why that is?" She smiled, playing with his collar as he spied on her antics._

 _"Ignorance is below you, Janelle. I suspect your father has informed you of his own suspicions. Now tell me, are you willing to go through with it?" She squealed throwing her arms around her boyfriend's neck, slightly throwing off his stiff posture. That's the closest she was ever going to get for a proposal, Regulus had wanted to marry her. His parents coming to her home to discuss such matters proved it._

 _"Yes!" She feigned a cough as Regulus stared down at her looking slightly startled, a ghost of smirk on his lips. "I mean, yes Mr. Black you definitely fit all my criteria for a suitor." He released his arms from his stauchy hold from behind his back to resting his hands on her hips._

 _"Do tell." He was teasing her, mocking her enthusiasm. Two could play this game._

 _"Your biting sarcasm tends to leave me in stitches. A pureblood gentleman with a sizable inheritance." Quickly eyeing him below the waist. She leaned in closer with every reason, "classically handsome. Devilish smart and..." She paused, her lips nearly pressed to his ear. "Your own sexual prowess seems to keep me coming back for more." This statement crumbled his proper resolve as she wanted, he smothered his lips on her own._

 _"Children!" Janelle jumped back from Regulus, the both looking at the floor guiltily. Orion had returned to invite the both in for the discussions, only to find them tending to their own. Janelle dared to face Mr. Black only for him to coldly regard his son. Orion sighed, "Anymore acts like that and you two will be wed before the summer begins. Is that understood?"_

 _"Yes father." Regulus, quickly replied._

 _"Understood Lord Black." Orion paused at Janelle's reply. He nodded, gesturing for Regulus to take his leave._

 _"No grandchildren of mine will be born out of wedlock." Janelle furiously shook her head, she was embarrassed to have her boyfriend's father harangue her like this. "Good," he clenched his large hand over her shoulder, "welcome to the family, daughter."_

"Wake up Janelle." She tried to wrestle from Orion's grip. She opened her eyes wide, almost in daze. She was laying in her bed, and it was Sirius holding her, not his father. She huffed, shoved Sirius off her. Straightened out her nightshirt.

"What?" She snapped as Sirius stared down at her.

"The fireplace has requested your presence." Janelle glared as Sirius peered at her from the door. Safely retreated from her reaching distance. He looked sullener than usual. She moved her forgotten book over, happily staring at his dismal appearance. His current attitude had to do with whomever was requesting to speak with her.

"No hints? Can't tell me who it is?" Sirius sneered, throwing the door forcefully behind him. He apparently was irritated by whomever was calling her. She rushed towards the parlor to be met with Severus's equally sullen grimace as well. "Severus, it's a bit late to be calling a lady?" He huffed, which Janelle remembered was his equivalent of snorting.

"As if I would lower my standards that far." Her smiled dropped, apparently, his sour mood he blamed on her. It wasn't like she told him to call her back or that Sirius would ill-advisedly take a fire call from anyone, less of all from Severus to her. "I call with news. Seemingly I have been demoted to the status of a common owl, being asked once again to relay a message."

"What did they say?" She was careful not to mention gender, Sirius, if he was listening would go on a tirade if he knew she had Snape contacted Narcissa of all people. He nodded his head.

"Your brother kindly asked if you would stay with him for the weekend, to meet his wife and son. While the main festivities will be held Sunday night. Dumbledore agreed this would be beneficial for your reintroduction in the wizarding world and good for your faculties if you mend your family bonds. He asked if I would escort you promptly tomorrow morning." He sighed, "Will 8 o'clock suffice?"

"Yes, Severus! Thank you, thank you so much." Severus huffed again, his face disappearing from the flames. She was excited, she was going to leave this house and do things she wanted. Without Sirius's constant pestering.

"So that is what you gave Sniveiulls this morning? Didn't want me to rifle through your Deatheater love letters?" Sirius snarled, and Janelle glared. It was ridiculous that he would even- she shook her head. He wasn't going to ruin her happy thoughts with his. She smiled, shaking her head at the him.

"I have to get up early, good night." She shuffled passed him, his face more morose than before. His only company was leaving him.

* * *

 _(Current: May 1996) Meeting at Malfoy Manor_

"I've gather you all here to reestablish our order. Many of you have forgotten your place, you have forged your way in the world for several years without your master. Sitting here now, proves that I am a merciful lord." A chorus of apologies rained towards the dark lord, who nodded stiffly in return. He was still angry, but he had to put revenge on hold for now. First, they needed to rebuild, reform, reclaim what he had lost over the last decade. With the helpful influence of the Ministry, his presence for the moment was widely ignored. "Now to remind you of the way you have lost. We must fight for a New World, _a better world._ What is pure must stay pure." All the Deatheaters presence shook their heads in agreement, no more than Bellatrix. "We take up arms to provide a better world becoming of the new generation. Your sons and daughters never should speak, let alone associate with the mud blood or their brethren ever again. Cheers to our success, and the befuddlement of the ministry!"

"To the Dark Lord!" The Lestranges raised their goblets in a toast.

"To the Ministry's ignorance!" The entire table raised their goblets in new found excitement.

"After Lucius completes his mission we will be unstoppable! No more being silent, we will take what is ours! We will subjugate all that are inferior to us and exterminate whatever else!" The cheering continued before Voldemort waved his hands. He wanted to turn their attention to his last guest of the evening, Janelle Black. He had even altered her hair for the occasion, for the others to recognize their lost friend. He wanted- perhaps an introduction to remind his followers who they worked for.

"I haven't seen her- is that- Black's wife?" Voldemort smirked circling around his victim. Janelle was painfully unaware of her surroundings. He was still testing her limits.

"It is." He bent down, playing with a lock of her freshly bleached hair, it was a tangled mess. "She's testing something that I want to try on the boy." His followers looked at her with a renewed interest. The girl, Janelle, was most helpful in challenging his mental capabilities. He needed to be ready for the boy.

"She's seizing." The group watched her unmercifully flounder against the cold floor. "Her mind can only take so much intrusion." Lucius pleaded with his master. They wouldn't be able to scale the success of their attempts if their test subject were to become a vegetable before then. Voldemort relinquish his hold over the poor woman.

"Suggestions Lucius?" The Dark Lord wanted solutions not commands. He dared a step forward, inspecting the girl further. Despite some deterioration in physical attributes, her mind was still resilient. Her mental capacity was not atrophying. He highly doubted that Potter, the halfblood, could stand the barrage of mental attacks before his mind succumbing to goo.

"Perhaps, we lead the boy there over time." He paused, his master said nothing to contradict him, _good._ "His own curiosity will be his own undoing. And once he is vulnerable enough, you lure him with threat to his godfather." Voldemort nodded, agreeing with his assessment. More work needed to be done, he turned his sights back on his former follower.

* * *

 _(Past: January 12_ _th_ _1996)_

Laughter could be heard throughout the Fawley household. Janelle, Sean and his wife Audree, at the Janelle's antics.

"You were a dissident youth? Causing your father premature grey hair." Audree stated.

"Now, I don't know about that." Sean waved off his sister.

"No, no. More like lost hair. This girl, his little princess Slytherin caused father many sleepless nights. Getting in trouble left and right." Janelle laughed, these stories, these memories made her feel light. Lighter than she had in weeks. Being around Sirius had made her feel dark and depressed, she was just as trapped in Grimmauld Place as he was. Besides, she was safe, she didn't need his so called and imposed protection. She would enjoy this, enjoy this while she could.

* * *

 _(Past: January 13_ _th_ _1996)_

"Is Mrs. Malfoy in?" Janelle asked the quivering elf. Something seemed to be off, Janelle couldn't place it. Narcissa wouldn't go through with the plans then suddenly not show up last minute. If she remembered right, Cissa was always very punctual, at least through Regulus's eyes. Janelle could hear shuffling from behind the massive doors. Narcissa threw open the door, leaning greatly on the frame. She looked bewildered, but relieved to see Janelle.

"Right now isn't a good time." Narcissa curtly, which prompted Janelle to ask further.

"Are you sure? I hadn't gotten a reply, I just wanted to make sure that everything was alright."

"Well, I-" Narcissa turned back, feverishly whispering behind the doorway. "No!" The door was pulled open, giving a full glimpse into the entryway. Narcissa looked distress as a dark-haired woman stared hard at her. Her long curly hair was straggly and unkempt. Her robes were filthy and long, it almost reminded her of prison garb.

"Oh Cissy, you shouldn't have." The dirty woman pulled a confused Janelle across the threshold. Janelle tried yanking her arm from the witch's incredibly tight grip. "Oh- I remember you. Tonight, we'll get some answers."


End file.
